Sunday, December 11, 2005

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Room

Clean your room. Wash your face. Change your shirt. Think about the countless times you heard this as a kid.

What’s this obsession with cleanliness all about? Don’t panic. I shower daily and tend not to wear clothes more than twice before washing them. I grew up just fine.

Except that now that I’m a parent, suddenly I hear the same words come out of my mouth to my kids. Why? I tell myself that it’s because I want my kids to be clean and healthy. I want them to look presentable. I also know that if they don’t clean up whatever it is, I’m gonna have to do it.

But while all of these are good reasons by themselves, I think there’s a more basic truth at the core of these kinds of commands. Parents make kids do this stuff BECAUSE THEY CAN.

Follow me here. Want to watch TV? Go clean your room first. Want dessert after dinner? Better clear the table and load the dishwasher. Want to go to Timmy’s birthday party? Better go wax the car. OK, Monkey Boy is 7 years old so I’ll have to wait another year or two before I can have him wax the car. Peanut is only 4 so the dishwasher is already pushing it. But you can see where I’m going with this.

As a parent, I have ABSOLUTE POWER. How freakin’ beautiful is that? Don’t worry. I try to be fair. MLB is always there to whip me into shape if I’m not. It’s not overparenting. I’m teaching them valuable lessons in cause and effect. Actions and consequences. Making choices.

And because I can. Bwah-hah-hah.

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